How I got here

The bullshit castle

It’s been over a year now since my focus shifted. At that time I was confronted with several questions I had no answer for, at a moment when I didn’t know what wasn’t working with my life.

There were obvious signs that some pieces of the engine were worn out:

  • I got tired easily: every tiny bump on the road would make me sleepy as if my brain was trying to defend itself from a battle it didn’t want to lose. Because it knew it was a battle already lost. I was feeling defeating regularly, I thought: “this is how one must feel when losing a war”.
  • Started to get more and more grumpy: being tired all the time is no fun. And when I was tired only negative thoughts came to my mind, which was kind of a circle jerk. It did not want to spend energy on anything that required thinking because it was the main cause of my problems. I wanted to avoid problems, so I avoided thinking.
  • My focus was biased towards bad and evil: everybody seemed bad intentioned. All I could see in human nature was greed, stupidity and poor work ethics. I started to think that my interpretation of reality was the only valid, and the rest did not share it because they were stupid, period.

Everything was gray and it was getting darker, indeed I remember thinking: “Well, this feeling might be what they call to grow up. This process is what everybody must go through and why they all seem a bit bitter”. A thought that did not make me feel better, but it fooled me for a couple of minutes, and a couple of minutes without a negative thought was a blessing when everything in my head was noise.

Then one day he came in to fix something. He was supposed to fix a technical problem but after a few hours, he realized the problem was a personal one. He was a long time friend, not afraid of asking and fully aware that his duty was to own the tension that was about to build up in the room. And that’s when the questions started to be fired. Like a war against myself, bullet-precise questions aimed to destroy the bullshit-castle I had built to defend my biased vision of reality.

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I tried to fight back with bullshit-filled bricks of the castle I have been creating for the past couple of years. It turns out that when you use shit to build something it doesn’t handle that kind of war for too long, it falls apart after two or three “Why?” And once the castle fell apart I was unprotected, naked and completely frightened. I had built a structure I believed to be solid and now I had nothing to defend from the attacks of reality. I felt lost and scared, but that friend didn’t stop the interrogation.

And the questions had nothing else to destroy now, I had no castle to protect. Since there was nothing, they started to build a new structure that did not resemble a castle. I had nothing to defend anymore, so why in the world should I live on a war intended structure? I could build anything and the search my friend started was the solid foundation for an amazing universe I was about to build.

No more fixed structures, no more defensive material, no more preparation for war, I am going to build a universe now. Because a universe allows infinite growth, good and bad to co-exist and can hold anything and everything in it.

For over a year now I have been designing this universe, placing things here and there, deciding how it would look better. As building material, all I’ve used are questions -mine or other’s- and not statements. I ditched the “truth”, what I or anybody told me to be true, and started to make questions. This simple technique has provided me with better answers.

This search led me to some revelation: I realized how important surf had been throughout my life. For the first time, I measured the impact it had on how satisfied I was with my life. I was shocked to discover that it is and had been the key for me, as it had been providing me with a place for reflexion and meditation, a place to get insight and most of all: meaning. Surf had made my life meaningful!

After this hidden treasure was unearthed I rushed to read everything I could, related to surf and how it is linked with purpose, happiness, meaning… It turns out there is a lot of information about it, and I was not alone: people found the same things I did through surf and other action sports. At this point, I knew I had discovered something big, something I cared about and I had to do something about it: I had to take action.

That’s where I am right now, doing something about it. This is a journey I have no map for, so I am just walking and trying to figure out what to do as I go. This means I have no product to offer, no service to give yet, I am just listening to the world, identifying needs and deciding if I am the right person to fix them.

If this sounds good and you want to help me figure out where to go on the next fork, or just want to share your insight, I’ll be pleased to connect with you.

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